Wow, sometimes I swear the internet is not very funky. I almost didn't make it here on time today (as you can see from the time of my post), through no fault of my own. For some reason it just took forever for the Blogger page to open, and then when I clicked to go to my log, the page wasn't available the first few times I tried. But I persevered, which is why you're having to listen to what I'm realizing now is a rather boring story.

Let me tell you about all I accomplished today instead. I accomplished three things I've been meaning to do for a long time. First, I bought a clipper for my beard (and maybe for my hair too; we'll see). I cleaned the fridge. I saw the movie The Man Who Wasn't There. Satisfaction on all counts. The clipper is everything I dreamed it would be, and the shopping trip was made pleasant by the company of friends, and we saw at least one jaw-droppingly gorgeous bear at the mall. The fridge looks a lot better than it did. The movie, though not one of the Coen brothers' best, was quite good.

You know when it's Friday, and you're tired, and you're getting into your comfy bed, and you know you can stay there as long as you like because you don't have to get up the next morning, and you think you might fall asleep before your head hits the pillow? It's a nice feeling, isn't it? I had that feeling tonight as I closed my eyes.
Then I realized I had yet to write anything in here today.
That's right: I tore myself away from the sweet, welcoming arms of sleep just so I wouldn't disappoint my legion* of fans**.

I hope you motherfuckers are happy.

*legion being defined as a minimum of two persons, which may or may not include me.
**fan being defined as a person who will not as a rule cross the street to avoid me.
***do not use in conjunction with any other coupon.

I take the subway to work every day. Most people are either reading or sleeping. If they're reading, these days it's either Lord of the Rings, Harry Potter, or that free Metro Toronto paper. I had a slightly weird experience this morning. I was looking at everyone else's paper (yes, I'm one of those annoying people), and the headline on all of them was about a tragic train crash. The second headline was "Canada keeps medal hope alive", except on one guy's paper. His front page was the same except for the second headline. The one on his paper was about floods on Mars.

1) Did this newspaper come from a parallel universe?
2) How can there be floods on Mars?

I listened to some cds on my computer tonight. Take that, stupid busted-up amplifier.

In other (and old) news, Rosie O'Donnell is gay. Tom Cruise must be so sad.

And finally: Are those fuckin olympics ever gonna end?

The amplifier in my stereo system died today. I think. I know nothing about electronics, so I'm not sure; all I know is it won't turn on. But I hate it. I rely on my stereo. It's a machine, it should be infaillible. Now what do I do? How do I listen to my favourite tunes? I'm not very skilled at accepting facts I don't like. I would wait a few minutes, pull the plug, push it back in, and try turning it on again. When that didn't work I'd get upset again. Then I'd calm down again. Then I'd have a great idea, like pulling the plug out and pushing it back in. Then I'd be shocked (I probably had this betrayed look on my face too) that it still didn't work. "Wha?! Music thing broke?! Where music?! Whasgoin on?!"

Who needs candy when the Criterion dvd edition of Rushmore has just arrived in the mail?!!!
Candy is for chumps!
Bye!

Tonight I was looking for a videotape I could tape over. I came across this recording of Dances with Wolves. I started watching it. Man, is that ever a boring movie! And that may just be the most inexpressive performance of Costner's career. How the heck did that guy ever become a star?