Thank goodness for the limited half-life of sentimental value.

Some days, I could kiss the internet.
Just now I was reading my favourite magazine, Entertainment Weekly, and they mentioned a bunch of dvds that aren't available in North American stores. The pilot for Twin Peaks was on the list - I've wanted to have a good copy of that thing for the last ten years (all I have is my own crappy recording from when it aired). They named a website where rare discs could be found, and suggested looking on ebay. Well the website didn't have it, so I checked out ebay, and tons of the thing are on sale there! And no one's buying them, so they're cheap!
So, five minutes after reading that article, I won an auction for an UNOPENED copy of the Twin Peaks pilot episode dvd with a bid of a mere $16.61! Yay!!

Pizza Hut has a new product - I've seen it advertised on tv - and it's tearing me apart. Pizza Hut is my favourite pizza, and it looks like they've started making panzerotti. So obviously I'm pretty excited. The problem is, they gave their new product a 'hip' name, so that the kids will think it's cool.
Well, I can't say it. No more than I could say 'to the extreme' out loud. I know if I said it, it would make me vomit. And that's exactly the opposite of what I go to restaurants for.
So, my dilemma: how do I sample Pizza Hut's surely delectable new treat if I can't ask for it by name?

If anyone out there thought my life was easy, think again. I deal with stuff like this every day.

Did I mention that Leonard Maltin gave Blue Velvet one star less than he gave the Sylvester Stallone movie Daylight?
Sorry, I can't get over it.

Mon ami Marko vient de déménager à Toronto. Souhaitez-lui la bienvenue, tout le monde!
For those of you who don't understand french, I was merely quoting the great existentialist Jean-Paul Sartre in an astoundingly apropos way. (If you felt awe-struck and didn't know why, there's your reason.)

Leonard Maltin is obsolete.
I used to buy his yearly book because it was a useful reference and because his opinion didn't offend me. Well now, the Internet Movie Data Base is infinitely more comprehensive, and I think he's a bad critic. Anything that has an edge (David Lynch, taboo subjects) automatically loses points with Lenny. For instance, he has nothing but praise for The Silence of the Lambs, but he gives it three and a half stars instead of the full four because "the subject matter is at times repellent". God forbid a movie should ruffle your feathers! No, according to the old Malt ball, the most important thing is for movies to be tame and have nice costumes and locations, like Dances with Wolves (which had no trouble earning four stars).

Life lesson: you gets what you pays for.
Especially when it comes to free websites.
Exhibit 1: The host for my website doesn't charge me anything. Obviously, that's too good a deal to be true. So for the last two months it's been defective and I've been unable to update my website. Very annoying. I'm moving to a new host.
Exhibit 2: My favourite website, musclebear.com, has apparently been left unattended since November. There's a note there that says something like, be back in a few weeks, take care! It's March and we're still waiting, like the kids in some of those period tv movies: "Ma? When's Pa comin home from th' war?"

My parents left this morning at two a.m. I don't understand. Every year they drive to Florida. What's the point in driving 15 hours a day to get there as soon as possible? If you're gonna do that, why not fly? They're retired; they should be relaxing and enjoying the scenery instead of giving themselves ulcers. I think what we've got here is 'old dog, new trick' syndrome. My dad's not one for change. And he does, after all, call himself a Catholic, which means that it's wrong not to suffer for your fun.

Oh yeah, something I forgot to mention yesterday. In church there are moments when you have to kneel. My mom noticed I seemed uncomfortable. She said, "Looks like you're not used to getting on your knees." My mom meant what she said literally, so any unchristian connotation you attach to that comes directly from your own soiled mind.